My spouse and I cannot agree about whether or not to spank. What is the best form of discipline? - Carrie, Gardner, KS
People frequently misuse the term discipline. It has come to mean "punishment". The origin of the word discipline is "disciple", which means to teach. In fact, if you look up the definition of the word discipline, only one of the definitions refers to punishment, four of the definitions refer to teaching. So, I answer this question with a question. Do you want to spend eighteen years punishing your children or teaching them? As a parenting consultant, I never advocate spanking. I believe that it is better to teach our children the correct way to behave than to hit them when they make mistakes. It takes a long time for children to "get it right" when it comes to learning acceptable ways to interact with society. Our job is to graciously guide them, correct them, and let them live with the consequences when they fail.
How do I get my 5 year old to stop lying? - Sheryl, Liberty, MO
Up until the age of 5 or 6, children may not truly understand what "telling the truth" means. It is an abstract concept. As humans, we all seek pleasure and avoid pain. Often, a child will say he didn't do something to avoid the consequences of punishment - without truly understanding the concept of lying. Explain to your child that it is wrong for him to say he didn't do something when he did do it. Tell him that when someone does that it is called lying. Say to him, "When you tell me that you didn't do something, and then I find out that you did, then this will happen". This can be whatever the appropriate consequence is. Remember to give him time to grow and to learn the concept. As he matures and has a true understanding of what it means to lie, you should impose stronger consequences. Above all, set a good example for honesty, no matter the consequence to you.
Disclaimer: Answers to questions submitted on this page are generalized and may not be applicable to your specific situation. None of these answers are intended to replace the advice of your physician or mental health care professional. Questions are subject to moderation. If you need specific help, contact me for a consultation.